A Tale of Two Cities

American Jewish life is a tale of two cities. The Orthodox city is akin to one huge kindergarten, the liberal Jewish city to a moshav zekanim (an old age home). Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s getting close. I’ll give a few examples.

In an Orthodox Jewish world, especially in an Ultra-Orthodox Jewish world, the birthrate is very high. It is not a rare occurrence for a pregnant mother, or a mother of an infant, to marry off her child. When a young Orthodox couple marries, it is very likely that one or both have unmarried siblings. After a few years of marriage and a few children, it is not unnatural for parents to begin thinking of their own children’s marriage. As they age, their own children and the children of all their siblings are marrying, only to be followed by another generation that before you turn around, is beginning to think of marriage. The upshot of all these babies and marriages is that the thought of shiduchim is never absent in traditional Jewish life. Someone or other just got married, is about to get married, looking to get married, hoping to get married, or divorced/widowed and dating again. Jane Austen, the great chronicler of the world of shiduchim would be in complete ecstasy had she grown up Orthodox. It’s Pride and Prejudice day in and day out. Because young children are so lovable, and because marriages are simchas (joyous occasions) their abundance gives Orthodox Jewish life the feel of a comedy in the classic sense that everything is going to end well.

When you look at the Orthodox Jewish community and you see the day schools and yeshivas opening up by the handful each year, it becomes apparent that there are many new young children each year that require education. Because of the growing demographics, the kolel and other rabbinical types have found it relatively easy to find employment. There’s almost an elastic demand for teachers at these schools. Since it is becoming increasingly difficult to find excellent yeshiva teachers, salaries are bid up accordingly. Once the birthrate levels off, and level off it will, and considering that yeshivas are like graduate schools that when going full blast tend to outstrip the demand for their services, Torah people over time are going to find it harder to land jobs in Jewish education. Meanwhile the Jewish education business is booming.

The second city is predominantly non-Orthodox, and almost 75% are living without children at home. According to the 2001 NJPS Survey and I quote” Among all Jewish households, 30% are comprised of a single adult living alone, 37% consist of two adults living with no children, and 7% are comprised of more than two adults with no children. Children (defined as age 17 or younger) reside in 26% of all Jewish households, in most cases with two adults. Approximately 3% of all Jewish households are composed of a single adult with one or more children.’’

The North Shore of Chicago, from Evanston all the way up to Lake Forest, is a Jewish place, so to speak. There are 125,000 Jews on the North Shore and many of them are congregated near the lake. If you drive up at night along Sheridan Road and look at the homes a significant percentage are dark. The reason they are dark is that there are either one or two people living in the homes, empty nesters and widows, not a child in sight. The entire area is what HEW calls “a naturally aging community.” People bought the houses when they were young and are waiting to be carried out. The homes are empty because the birthrates of the children are below replacement level. The kids marry in their thirties, have one or two kids, and intermarry at an astonishing rate, only to be followed by the next generation that repeats the process one more time. Despite the absolutely gorgeous homes, many of these communities have a gothic feel. Here we have left Jane Austin behind and entered the Bronte sisters world of ‘’Wuthering Heights’’ and the ‘madwoman in the attic‘. For example, I have never ever seen a couple with children walk in the streets of Kenilworth, the ritziest of the ritziest of these towns. Similar stories can be told about Jewish communities in Scottsdale, Palm Springs and many towns along the Florida coast, both on the Atlantic side and on the Gulf .

The differential birthrates of the two communities have other interesting effects on Jewish life. If you read the Jewish magazines aimed at the general Jewish population, there’s more than a fair amount of ads for assisted living communities, old-age homes, private nurses, and undertakers. Doctors love to advertise. There is a small army of people servicing older Jews. It’s just a fact of life. Liberal Jewish life has ultimately a more tragic feeling tone.

With a little optimism and hard work the trend in liberal Judaism can be reversed. I sincerely believe young liberal American Jews want larger families. For all sorts of reasons we need not discuss today they need to be told what to do. Here is a simple idea: Every year for the next ten years on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur liberal rabbis should stand in front of their congregations and say the following in no uncertain terms: Every Jewish man and woman of childbearing age has a solemn religious duty to have at least three children or Judaism as we know it will disappear. The only exceptions are the health of the mother or child, infertility, dire poverty or mental illness. Anyone who puts personal careers or interests ahead of their duty is a shirker.

What are the chances of this ever happening?