Sunday, June 18, 2006

Mars Meets Venus

I want to contrast profiles found on the Orthodox dating site with those more secular profiles found on JDATE. I have in the case of Frumster scrambled bits and pieces from different profiles. Frumster first:

“Involved in Chesed, (charity) warm, giving, energetic, family oriented, sense of humor, love to cook and entertain. Involved with, chevra kadisha, make shidduchim, (matchmaking, a BIG mitzvah), bikur cholim (visiting the sick). Willing to give it all up if it does not sit well with the person I will marry.”

“Very active in klal (community) work, am a doula/labor coach, on chevra kadisha, kallah teacher (teaches young and innocent brides- to- be, what they need to know halachically and otherwise), hachnosas orchim, (putting up guests, frequently strangers, for the Sabbath and holidays), very warm and caring, love to dance and listen to music, and have a good sense of humor.”

"I am very family oriented. I enjoy babysitting for my grandchildren. I am a good cook. I bake my own Challas every week. Shabbos is special to me. I like to go to Shiurim, (Torah lectures and classes) and go frequently. I am friendly and have many friends."

I’ll focus on the chevra kadisha. Remember we are dealing with an advertisement a woman placed on an internet dating site so as to attract a potential spouse. The chevra kadisha, or holy group is a voluntary association of men and women, men for men and women for women, who are called upon, frequently in the middle of the night when a member of the community dies, to cleanse and purify the body, both outer and inner, dress the body in the appropriate garments, and prepare it for burial.

Some women exhibit their love of art. Some take pride in flushing feces from a corpse. The latter correctly surmise that being a member of the cheva kadisha will not only be thought virtuous, which it most surely is, but also a feature that the men they want to meet find attractive.

Here are some answers to the question “What I am looking for in a mate?”

"Yeshivish, mensch, kovia itim, (puts aside time for Torah study), very confident and stable person, doesn't want a TV in the house after marriage, wants to build a Jewish home."

"A learned man who serves Hashem (the Lord) with love, joy commitment. Financially secure with a simchas hachayim(joy of/in living)
Must be stable, healthy, real midos tovos,(good character and personality traits)
Chasidish,(acts like a chasid is supposed to act), nonjudgmental, nurturing, real, who wants a wife he can be proud of and enjoy life with.
Sincerely frum. Has a daily Shiur (learning class). Kind and considerate to everyone and has no temper. Someone who is involved in Chesed (hands on charity/good deeds). Family oriented and friendly. Greets everyone with a smile. Always "Beseiver Ponim Yafos" (a warm and friendly face/disposition)."

Some day I’ll blog on the 4 horseman: chasidish, yeshivish, heimish and baalibatish, and the burning question can you be just 1. Until then, I hope the reader gets the general gist of what is being offered, and what is wanted, even if she does not understand the exact nuance of each term.

By way of dramatic contrast I’ll reprint excerpts from 2 secular profiles, the first a conscious parody but with obvious elements of truth, the second from a totally sincere Jewish woman, but impossible to read in any way other than a parody. The second woman, by the way, has a ‘killer body’, as they say, which in her instance may be true in more ways than one.

“What is a date? A date is when two people, who hardly know each other, go out to dinner, and push their food around their plates nervously, while trying to ask as many questions as possible in the shortest possible time. As in: Do you ski? Play tennis? Do you like dogs? Why do you think your marriage fell apart? Why do you think your ex-wife said you were controlling? Do you like chocolate? Cheesecake? Have you ever been convicted of a felony? How do you feel about drugs? How many alcoholics are there in your family? What kind of medication are you on? Did you have plastic surgery, or is that your real nose? Chin? Upper lip? Breasts? Behind? What kind of surgery have you had? Do you like kids? Have you ever dated any? What foreign languages do you speak? What’s your ideal honeymoon? Two weeks in the Himalayas? Really? Have you ever been on a safari? To Paris? To Des Moines? Are you religious? When did you last see your mother? How long have you been in therapy? Why not? How many DUIs have you had? How long have you been married? Divorced? Widowed? Unemployed? What’s your next career move? Have you been bulimic all your life? How many twelve-step groups are you a member of? When is later? How soon do you think you'll call?”

“I love to have fun, go dancing. I entertain a lot; go out every night to great parties and events. I travel all over the world. I live between New York and Los Angeles. I work hard and play hard. I love the beach, the sea. Always on a boat over 150 feet. San Tropez, Malibu,,St. Barts…I am always where the action is. My motto is never give up, never give in and never take no for an answer. I can be ready to go in 10 minutes I am always in a good mood. I want to share my life with someone that is fun and easy to be with. Easy going, well dressed, good sense of humor, and a gentleman. Must be able to keep up with me.”

I say some Jewish women are from Mars, some are from Venus.


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